Oh what a week...

Crikey. I am shattered.

I am utterly, totally, completely and absolutely

SHATTERED!!!

I can honestly say that I have never had such a rollercoaster of a week. I have been up and down more times than a Blackpool rollercoaster and I am still cowering behind the sofa after the events of last night.

I apologise if this turns into huge post but there's just been so much happening.

In a nutshell, the IVF has been a rocky road to say the least. Every time I have made the dawn trip into town to the ACU clinic I have pretty much only had bad news. To be honest, I still don't understand it myself. Basically there's two things that they measure on your trips in. They measure your blood hormone levels and they also do a scan to count your eggs and check on the size of them to see how many you have and if they're growing correctly ready for collection.

Now, as is seemingly the way with everything I do, things have not gone smoothly. I do not so much have the Midas touch where everything turns to gold as the "shit touch" where everything turns to complete toilet.

As I have mentioned before, I am unsure of my exact parentage because, due to the amount of eggs I am producing, I think I am somehow genetically linked to a hen. In fact, I am going on Jeremy Kyle soon with Bernard Matthews and his farm birds to get a DNA test done as I don't believe a human could produce as many eggs as me without some sort of connection to poultry in their history.

I currently have 28 eggs. Yes, 28. Instead of the usual 16 or so they expect, I have produced enough to make an omlette for a rugby team. This in itself is a worry as it puts me in the bracket for the dreaded OHSS but also my hormones have decided to do their own orbit of the earth by shooting sky high and then rocketing back down to earth on a regular basis. The hospital have been trying to stabilise it so that they can ensure that the hormone levels are high enough to encourage eggs to mature, but not so high that is puts me in the OHSS bracket. I have had my medications changed every single time I've been in and am now on none at all as my body seems to be growing the damn things with no intervention now. I am officially a hen/incubator!

I've been on a knife edge all week as they didn't know whether or not they would have to abandon the whole procedure as 28 eggs is apparently far too many. (you're telling me - I already feel pregnant with quads!)

If the eggs kept growing but the hormone level settled then they said they'd go ahead with egg collection. If the hormone levels shot up and the eggs kept on growing then we'd have to abandon the treatment.

So, it's been a game of hormonal cat and mouse where my meds have been adjusted every day to try and tweak the levels perfectly. It appears (and here's one for the CV ladies), that although I am 34, I have the ovaries of a 25 year old and they've basically gone into overdrive with all the medical interference. I can now write on my CV... Emma T, BSc Hons, QTS, NPQH - ovarian function of a twentysomething. Fair brings a lump to your throat doesn't it!

The upshot is that we are definitely going ahead with collection on Monday so it's feet in the stirrups for some degrading surgery first thing on Monday morning. However, they don't know if they'll go ahead with the embryo transfer on Wednesday as they may need to do a "freeze all". This basically means that my little embryos will spend their Christmas in the deep freeze and I'll be given time to get over the OHSS which would be triggered by egg collection.

This means that if we do a "freeze all" then I'd be poorly all over Christmas with the OHSS and we'd have to wait a couple of months to put the embryos back in so please please please keep your fingers crossed for me for Monday that they go ahead with the implantation.

I currently look like madwoman as I keep shouting at my nethers to stop growing. This is OK in your own home but when you are mumbling to them as they give another twinge in the bread aisle of Tesco then it can get you some funny looks.

I am also freezing cold at the moment thanks to the "mystery of the back door." This is not some weird famous five type adventure story but is a complete and utter unfathomable event.

I met my friend at the pub last night for a non alcoholic toast to the end of term. When I got in, there was a terrible draught coming in the kitchen door as it's so badly fitted. So, I had a brainwave, got up a ladder and nailed a blanket to the doorframe. Yes, whilst pumped up on drugs with a swollen spacehopper of a tummy and impending surgery, I decided to do a few impromptu home improvements. You see, Tom is away a lot this weekend so I needed to ensure the house was all cosy. I then went and watched TV for a couple of hours but was so cold that I didn't even take my coat off.

At about half ten I decided to go to bed so went round turning all the lights off. I then found something utterly weird.

The back door was wide open and so was the door I'd locked and nailed the blanket to...

There is no way in the world I ever leave doors open as I'm such a scaredy cat and they weren't just ajar, they were completey flat against the walls so no wonder downstairs was so cold!

I of course, remained calm and didn't fly into a complete panic.

Did I heck!

I grabbed a kitchen knife and started tiptoeing round the whole of the downstairs flinging doors and cupboards open and yelling. (Quite why I opened the fridge and washing machine and did this I haven't quite fathomed yet...)

I then lost the initial adrenaline buzz and had to phone my dad. He said he'd come down and have a look but then I felt like complete baby and so told him I'd be fine. Besides, my laptop, i-pod, stereo and handbag were near the kitchen door and hadn't been nicked so there couldn't have been anyone in the house unless it was actually a blind burglar.

So, i went up to bed but couldn't find my childhood teddy. This then really freaked me out as he always sits on the chest of drawers by my bed.

By this point I was thinking all sorts of mad things. As it's my anniversary on Monday, I was convinced that ST had somehow kept a set of keys to my house,crept in and stolen the one thing that I loved more than anything and couldn't replace or the one thing that would indicate that it must have been him in the house.

I then rang Tom and started getting in a right panic and made him stay on the phone as I checked upstairs everywhere. The airing cupboard was clear of burglars or crazed ex husbands as was under the beds and in the loft. So, thankfully I managed to get into bed and then find that Tom had made the bed and put the bear in it so it hadn't been stolen as a psycho token by a deranged ex. God I watch too much TV!!!

I still haven't worked out though how the back doors were wide open when I know I'd locked them and nailed them shut though. All very odd.

The wide open back doors have not helped my fridge of a house to keep warm though. It's already like a training regime for Ben Fogle's Arctic expeditions in here and so flinging the doors wide open to temperatures of minus three has not helped warm things up. I actually slept in pjyamas underneath a tracksuit, ski socks, my dressing gown, a blanket round my shoulders, a scarf, woolly hat and two duvets last night. You could actually see your breath in the air this morning as it was so cold. So, advice to anyone, do not live in a period property if you don't like the cold. I think the Victorians enjoyed mild frostbite and so constructed their houses to ensure maximum draughts. I have even had the plumber round to move the radiator in the lounge this week to try and warm things up a bit but you could still ice skate on my coffee table it's that cold.

Anyway, am meant to be having a quiet day today but have got to clean the house and sort out a million last minute jobs before surgery on Monday. I've basically got to ensure that everything is sorted for Christmas as hopefully I'll be out of action and incubating an embryo whilst tucking into my tukey this year!

So, it's off with the 47 layers of clothes, on with the rubber gloves and pinny and try to get this house looking twinkly and sparkly clean.

I'll sign off for now though and just once again say thanks for all your good wishes. It's been a hell of an emotional week and they really do help me along the way.

Lots of love in the meantime. Will update again very soon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

P.S that's not my egg in the photo!