Well hello there me old fruits!

I am back in the land of the living after living as a true festival goer over the weekend.

That is a lie by the way.

I went home every night and did not camp as apparently on campsites there is nowhere to plug in your straighteners and seeing as I am likely to be arrested for resembling a hobo if I am not within 3 yards of a set then I thought it safest for the local population if I returned home every night to wrestle with my barnet.

Had an absolutely fab time though and relived my youth, albeit with a few more wrinkles and a lot less cider (have swapped it for g&t since a nasty incident involving a bottle of diamond white and a toilet door a few years ago.)

It was an amazingly chilled out festival and Tom and I had the perfect weekend just lying about in the sun, listening to great bands, hilarious comedy and boozing. We weren't the oldest there by a long way and my panic buying in Primark for suitable, "festival gear for the over 30s" paid off as I got loads of people asking me where I got my stuff from. Why didn't I lie and say somewhere posh rather than admit my top was 2 quid from Primark (or "Harrods" as my mum rather oddly calls it).

I also got a bit of my mojo back as I got chatted up 3 times! I was told by one guy that I was "stunning" and he made me laugh so much as he asked me if I had a boyfriend and when I said "yes, he's over there" the guy laughed and said, "Oh arse. It's always the same. Girls are like parking spaces. You look for the perfect one for ages and can't find one and then when you do, someone nips in and takes your spot. Then you realise they're all taken and the only ones that are left are disabled!" I almost peed myself. I know it wasn't a very PC thing to say but it really tickled me. I also got asked out by a bloke whilst Tom was getting a beer. This guy just wandered up, told me he had spotted me from across the crowd and just felt compelled to ask me out! I also got chatted up in the cocktail tent (yes, I actually managed to find a cocktail tent at a festival yay!!!!) so that made 3 blokes in one day. Check me out! i can't remember the last time I was chatted up properly and although I love Tom to bits, it made my day and really helped my confidence to know that I'm not a washed up old has been and might just still be rocking the 30+ vibe. Either that, or as my mate pointed out, there were a hell of a lot of drugs at that festival!

Yesterday was a bit more of a reality check though. I had a meeting at our local council offices to help plan a series of collaborative workshops for Y6 teachers to raise standards with more able children. Are you still awake after reading that??!! I had four hours in a windowless room talking about leading sessions on raising attainment - a far cry from swigging back a cocktail and dancing around in a parka. I had decided to wear a fab new all in one playsuit type thing from river island. It looks like a pair of trousers and a waistcoat but is an all in one and is utterly divine. I had to nip into my parents' house before I went to my meeting and the flippin zip jammed. However, I managed to get it working again and make it to my meeting on time - phew.

Unfortunately, i was not so lucky later on.

On Friday, during my trolley dash round Primark and Topshop for festival gear, I had purchased some things that were a little "Atomic Mutton" and made me look like I'd got dressed in the dark in a 1980s charity shop. So, after my meeting I was going to nip into town and return the offending (and believe me they were offensive) items.
I parked my car and dashed into the shopping centre but needed a quick wee. No problems there until I came to do the playsuit back up again. The zip was completely jammed. It would not budge up at all so I had a huge gaping seam from my neck to half way down my thigh, revealing the side of my pants and my bra. No amount of tugging, sweating, swearing or wrenching would budge the damn thing so I was trapped in a city centre toilet with two choices.
1. Walk round town half naked with my undies hanging out
2. Cobble together an ouftit from the items I was returning.

i went for option two.

This meant that i was walking round town in a pair of grey snowash "jeggings" that were too long and too tight - so tight in fact that i couldn't get them all the way up my legs so the gusset was around my knees MC Hammer stylee.
I had twinned this with a pale grey one shoulder batwing Primark t-shirt with a metallic neon print on the front which was far too short in the body and so revealed my tummy and the waistband of the offending "jeggings". To say I looked like a twat was an understatement.

Of course, I bumped into a parent from my school who I felt compelled to explain my strange get up to but the explanation of, "I've just been trapped half naked in a toilet as the zip got stuck on my all in one bodysuit" is perhaps not appropriate conversation between parent and deputy head.

I went into river island to see if they had another one in my size but of course, God was having another laugh at me so had conspired to make it so that they had every other size in duplicate except mine. It is not easy to maintain composure as you discuss credit notes and refunds when your crotch is round your knees and you're revealing your middle in a metallic batwing crop top.

I eventually managed to get back into my car in one piece and with some of my dignity intact and met my friend for a drink - she thought the outfit was hilarious. Needless to say, i did not and when I showed her how tight the leggings were I found i had a massive indentation all the way up my legs from the seams digging in - nice!

However, it was in town that i made my bonkers purchase. All I'll say is that it was £85 in the sale and no one will see it and I can't even bring myself to tell anyone I bought it. Maybe it'll come in handy one day but who knows...

Today has been a massive day of work avoidance. There's loads for school that I really should be getting on with but I've been really busy trawling my way through replies to my posts on YAYW. I'm giving away my Maggie Sottero wedding dress as I want it to have a good home. I feel so sorry for the dress as it's not loved anymore and I want someone to have it who will really cherish it and for it to have a happy day. Now, if you weren't worried about my mental state before then I think now is the time as I have just realised I feel sorry for a dress!!!

Anyway, will update again soon.

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P.S lost 3 1/2 pounds too Wooooooooohooooooooooooooo!!!!