Such shocking news.

I'm afraid I don't think I'll be posting for a bit. Just had a bit of news that made me throw up immediately with shock.

Was looking for all my hospital info to try and track down a number to call to sort out all of this blood test business and made a horrible discovery.

Found a piece of paper which said "Hospital Discharge Letter" on it so i fell on it, eagerly thinking it might have a number on it. It didn't, what it said on it has totally rocked me and made me sick three times in the last couple of hours.

I read the part which described the "information to patient/carer" which said "Adhesions in pelvis and to tubes. Divided but evidence of PID. Likely to need IVF - referral made". I wasn't sure what PID was as I've never heard of it before and so I read the part above which was the "other diagnosis" bit for my own GP. It said, "Normal uterus. Filmy adhesions to both R and L sides of pelvis. Spillage of dye from both tubes. L tube adherent to uterus - freed. Adhesionlysis to R tube/ovary. Perihepatic adhesions. Appearance of previous severe PID. Will need IVF - UNLIKELY TO CONCEIVE NATURALLY".

I just looked up PID on the internet and was promptly sick. I have never been promiscuous and have always been in a steady, long term relationships. I was therefore disgusted to hear that PID is generally sexually transmitted.

I looked up the symptoms and was promptly sick again as ten years ago, when in a 4 year relationship, I started to bleed irregularly, have terrible pelvic pain and all sorts of other symptoms that were all on the PID list. At the time, my GP just thought it was problems with my pill and so it was changed a total of 7 times! i was also referred for a scan of my pelvis which revealed fluid in the pelvic cavity but nothing else. I was convinced there was something wrong after my GP at the time just kept on changing the pills. Eventually he relented as i kept on nagging him that i was sure something was wrong and he prescribed a general antibiotic "in case I had an infection" - this was 2 years after i had originally presented with symptoms.

I am now faced with the prospect that i caught something off a man I was in a trusting relationship with and that I was grossly misdiagnosed and as a result have lost my fertility. I must have also misinterpreted the surgeon when they said that my tubes were clear - i assumed that meant that now the ovary was free, that it meant we might conceive naturally. Obviously this is not the case.

I have never had PID mentioned to me at all, not in the ten years of suffering from all sorts of pains, aches and odd bleeds. I am devastated. The thought that someone has infected me with something and robbed me of my chances of a family are more than i can comprehend. When I was dealing with just the adhesions from my botched appendix operation then I could just about get my head round it. To hear that that is compounded by some disgusting STI that i don't know who gave me, how long i've had it or how much damage is done is totally incomprehensible to me. I know I haven't got it now as I've had all sorts of tests done for my IVF and a million different swabs for infections which have all come back clear so it's even more awful to not even know exactly when or for how long I had it.

To say I am devastated is the understatement of the year. I have not felt this low since ST left me. I don't know what to do. Tom, my parents, my brother and my best friend are all away and I'm totally on my own. I don't really want to discuss it with anyone else at the moment either as it makes me heave.

i can't think, i can't breathe and I can't stop sobbing. Why has this happened to me? I don't understand - after everything that has happened to me lately, why have I now been sent this bombshell??

I'm therefore not going to be posting for a bit. I'm just going to crawl into bed this afternoon and try and sleep the day away. The sight of my scars and stitches now repulse me instead of the hope that they've been giving me that we're on the way to a baby. Now I can't bear to look at them as I keep imagining the poison that's been eating me up.

I'm just in pieces. I want my mum, I want my dad and I want Tom.