you're all delicious lovelies...

Just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has been so kind and lovely. I have an inbox jammed with well wishes and some of the best advice i've ever had!

Am over the major wobbles now about it all. I have a wonderful family, my perfect Tom, lovely friends and a great career; what am I moaning about????

Been for some more bloods at the hospital and have received a letter to say we are officially on the waiting list for IVF. Only problem is that our primary care trust will only fund one round of it on the NHS so we'll have to pay for any further rounds. Looks like we need to go out and find us some pretty big piggy banks fairly soon!

My parents are back in the early hours of tonight and Tom's been his usual fantastic self since he got back from his golf tour (although for some reason he has developed a strange obsession with thinking he resembles Colin Firth and has spent the last 3 days saying things like "how about just round the eyes? Look at the eyes; how about just this bit" and hiding behind his hands like he's looking through a letterbox. All very odd. I can only assume he had one too many Vino Collapsos away with the lads or sustained a head injury from a wayward golf club.)

Work has been a fab distraction too and the kids have really made me smile. Our new nursery intake have been particularly cute, with two of the little 3 and 4 year olds being overheard by a colleague of mine, discussing who I was and one of them saying, "You know, the one with the white hair. Not Mrs H with those glasses on. The very pretty lady with the white hair. Well, not white. Pretty white. A nice white. You know her. The pretty white haired lady who has all big boys and girls". Bless their little new cotton school socks.

have been really busy too helping will and jo prepare for their travels. they're off round the other side of the world again as of the 27th so they'll be away for the duration of out IVF journey. As Tom pointed out, if I'm going to be a hormonal psychopath for the next few months then he's sorely tempted to join them!

My brother delightfully put it another way... "So you'll be knocked up by the time we get back then?" Hopefully that oh so delicate assumption will be true but I'm not holding out too much hope. Tom's all carried away with the practical thoughts of maternity pay and people carriers but I think I'm bit more realistic. In fact, i bought a fabulous super slinky tight dress today cause I keep thinking that I'm not going to get caught up in the whole, "better stock up on leggings and baggy shirts in case I get pregnant" scenario so i'll be the only one rocking up at the clinic in a monochrome, shoulder padded, 80s throwback uber cool minidress. So, stick that one up your speculum and smoke it Mr Gynaecologist!!

Anyway, thanks once again for all your support. It's meant more to me than you'll ever know and it really helped me out at the weekend when i almost lapsed back into Leona Lewis mode and sobbed on the staircase. God, I'm surprised that bannister hasn't rotted away over the last year! However, managed to hold it together and am well on the route to acceptance and think my little detour past "panic avenue" was a dead end so i've turned back and am once more traipsing along and hoping for the best.

Am off back downstairs now to check that Tom is not still attempting to resemble a period drama hero and is just back to being the lovely bloke I adore who lounges around in his work shirt and shorts and doesn't pretend to be a film star.

lots of love to you all in the meantime. Will update soon after my first hunt down the back of the sofa for coins to begin our IVF fund - I may be gone some time...

XXXXXXXXXXXX Emmy