Saturday, 5 September 2009

Such shocking news.

I'm afraid I don't think I'll be posting for a bit. Just had a bit of news that made me throw up immediately with shock.

Was looking for all my hospital info to try and track down a number to call to sort out all of this blood test business and made a horrible discovery.

Found a piece of paper which said "Hospital Discharge Letter" on it so i fell on it, eagerly thinking it might have a number on it. It didn't, what it said on it has totally rocked me and made me sick three times in the last couple of hours.

I read the part which described the "information to patient/carer" which said "Adhesions in pelvis and to tubes. Divided but evidence of PID. Likely to need IVF - referral made". I wasn't sure what PID was as I've never heard of it before and so I read the part above which was the "other diagnosis" bit for my own GP. It said, "Normal uterus. Filmy adhesions to both R and L sides of pelvis. Spillage of dye from both tubes. L tube adherent to uterus - freed. Adhesionlysis to R tube/ovary. Perihepatic adhesions. Appearance of previous severe PID. Will need IVF - UNLIKELY TO CONCEIVE NATURALLY".

I just looked up PID on the internet and was promptly sick. I have never been promiscuous and have always been in a steady, long term relationships. I was therefore disgusted to hear that PID is generally sexually transmitted.

I looked up the symptoms and was promptly sick again as ten years ago, when in a 4 year relationship, I started to bleed irregularly, have terrible pelvic pain and all sorts of other symptoms that were all on the PID list. At the time, my GP just thought it was problems with my pill and so it was changed a total of 7 times! i was also referred for a scan of my pelvis which revealed fluid in the pelvic cavity but nothing else. I was convinced there was something wrong after my GP at the time just kept on changing the pills. Eventually he relented as i kept on nagging him that i was sure something was wrong and he prescribed a general antibiotic "in case I had an infection" - this was 2 years after i had originally presented with symptoms.

I am now faced with the prospect that i caught something off a man I was in a trusting relationship with and that I was grossly misdiagnosed and as a result have lost my fertility. I must have also misinterpreted the surgeon when they said that my tubes were clear - i assumed that meant that now the ovary was free, that it meant we might conceive naturally. Obviously this is not the case.

I have never had PID mentioned to me at all, not in the ten years of suffering from all sorts of pains, aches and odd bleeds. I am devastated. The thought that someone has infected me with something and robbed me of my chances of a family are more than i can comprehend. When I was dealing with just the adhesions from my botched appendix operation then I could just about get my head round it. To hear that that is compounded by some disgusting STI that i don't know who gave me, how long i've had it or how much damage is done is totally incomprehensible to me. I know I haven't got it now as I've had all sorts of tests done for my IVF and a million different swabs for infections which have all come back clear so it's even more awful to not even know exactly when or for how long I had it.

To say I am devastated is the understatement of the year. I have not felt this low since ST left me. I don't know what to do. Tom, my parents, my brother and my best friend are all away and I'm totally on my own. I don't really want to discuss it with anyone else at the moment either as it makes me heave.

i can't think, i can't breathe and I can't stop sobbing. Why has this happened to me? I don't understand - after everything that has happened to me lately, why have I now been sent this bombshell??

I'm therefore not going to be posting for a bit. I'm just going to crawl into bed this afternoon and try and sleep the day away. The sight of my scars and stitches now repulse me instead of the hope that they've been giving me that we're on the way to a baby. Now I can't bear to look at them as I keep imagining the poison that's been eating me up.

I'm just in pieces. I want my mum, I want my dad and I want Tom.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Thanks for your advice re:laparoscopy last week (emailed via yayw) I've had an update but won't bother you with it at the moment. Please be assured that I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best

  2. I am so, so sorry, Emmy. I don't think I can say anything to make you feel better, but I want you to know how desperately sad I am for you.

  3. Hello Emmy

    i couldnt read your post and not send you a message. i am SO sorry to hear your lastest news. maybe you need to speak with your GP and make sure that you have read the imformation correctly and havent just thought the worst in what you have read.

    try and stay strong, my thoughts are with you and sending you much love and lots of big hugs


    p.s i am a strong believer that things happen for a reason so just wait and see what is round the corner


  4. Oh Emmy, I am so so sorry to hear that, I am almost in tears reading this as you are one of the most loveliest people I have ever "met".

    I hope that your IVF is successful as people as nice as you & Tom (from what you've described of him) deserve to be parents so I hope it works out well for you.

    We will all be here for you when you decide you are ready to post again

    Big hugs honey

    Sara xxxxx

  5. Oh Emmy i am so sorry you have found out this information this way. Its pretty shocking that your GP never investigated thouroughly in the first place but you cant change that now.
    Your chances of IVF working are very high,dont give up hope - you proabably would of needed it from the adhesions anyway so this is just a glitch in your road.
    Im on a couple of forums where PID had been very common factor - 1 girl is currently 13 weeks pregnant at her first attempt.

    Try and stay strong my lovely

    Sarah xxx

  6. So sad to hear your news Emmy and that you are having to cope with it alone.

    This is not the end of the road you and tom WILL be parents, it may be a tough journey getting there but I know you will!

    Hope you're feeling better soon x x

  7. Hey Hun,
    I am so sorry this has happened to you. I do think you should consult your doctors/clinic for advice. Not sure you can do anything about the misdiagnosis on the PID but I would check that with NHS Direct and at least let them know that this has happened. Please stay strong honey and you have lots of lovely people in your life to love and support you. Thinking of you and please take care of yourself. Saffabride xx

  8. Not anonymous, heather again, can't get it to post any other way - bloody thing!
    I'm so so sorry to read this, and sorry that you have no family there to support you so sending big ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) as someone else has suggested maybe it is worth talking to you doctor about it some more, You're already on the road to IVF, you need to keep strong for that, also it says UNLIKELY to conceive naturally not IMPOSSIBLE to conceive naturally, stranger things have happened, but i understand that the biggest part of the problem is the possibility of the STI, you trusted someone and now they've left you with a world of devastation. You've been through so much in the last eighteen months, you will come through this aswell, Your a strong lady and an ispiration, Emmy, just remember that. xx

  9. Dear Emmy,

    I'm so sorry to hear you've found this sad news & on your own too. I hope Tom & your parents are home now & I'm sure they are giving you all the love & support in the world.

    I hope you can get more info from your GP soon & get all the facts about your position, ready to start conceiving.

    Thinking of you & sending you love & hugs xxx

  10. Emmy

    I'm so sorry to hear your news - as if you haven't been through enough in the past couple of years. I'm sure you must feel as though someone is plotting against you.

    You've already been given some good advice here and I don't have anything to add to that, but I have been reading your blog from the very beginning and feel that I know you! I just wanted to wish you all the very best for whatever the future holds - it's not an easy situation that you find yourself in, but hopefully with your lovely Tom and your family supporting you, you will get through it somehow.

    Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts that the IVF will still work for you..

    lots of love Clair xxx

  11. Hi Emmy

    Clairabelle has said it all.
    Thinking of you and sending you lots of luck that IVF will work

    Lots of love
    Deb x x

  12. Im sorry you found out the way you did but think of the positives you have your IVF dates and you stand a very good chance of it working. I hope you can get some answers from your doctor and all your blood tests come back with good results. You deserve to be a mum so keep positive and unexpected things can happen.

    Jenna (YAYW)x x

  13. Hey hun, i've been away from the PC for a while.

    I can imagine your shock when you found out this news - I too had an STI from a trustworthy partner, but it was caught early on. Either way hun, I would not give up hope on the IVF front, and don't ever rule out getting pregnant naturally. IT can happen. As another lady noted, you are already on the way to getting IVF, and you could look at it as your GP and Surgeon have given your body a good old service :) They have looked inside and out, they've scanned and poked and believe me, they will do their utmost to give you a child. Your body is young, your will is strong and you have love. Stay positive.

    We are here for you if you need us. Much love and affection.


  14. Emmy, I'm really sorry I'm so late posting a reply. I hope you're feeling much better now. I;m currently going though ferility tests and its looking like IVF would be the only route for me too once its time for us to try for a baby. You and Tom deserve so much to be happy abd it WILL happen for you, it just might take a little bit longer than you'd like.

    (PID is usually a side effect of an sti but not always so please don't feel dirty or ashamed. You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You may have just been one of the unlucky ones who developed it alone)