Sunday, 6 December 2009

Soooooooo tired!

OK, well it’s all still going alright I guess.

I’ve been absolutely floored by a flu like illness since last Friday so that’s over 9 days of raging temperatures, terrible cough, enough snot to launch a ship as well as all the IVF drugs. I look absolutely awful and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so run down and ill.

I’ve battled on at work every day but by 3pm I’m experiencing such crushing fatigue that it’s all I can do to get to the end of the school day before I drive home and fall fast asleep. I’m not sure how much is the side effects of the IVF drugs and how much is this flu thing as I know that 4 colleagues had over a week off with this illness and still aren’t right 2 weeks later.

However, I have read that the hormones can give you awful headaches and I have an almost constant headache at the moment. I can barely lift my head off the pillow for most of the time and the dark circles under my eyes are like something I’ve never seen before.

I have virtually no appetite and I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. I feel like a complete failure as a friend and girlfriend at the moment as I can’t summon up enough energy to go out or to do anything more than collapse into bed. I’m trying so hard to keep going and I haven’t cried once, despite the nurses saying that by rights I should be a hormonal mess as the truth is that I’m scared that once I do I just won’t be able to stop.

The good news is though that we have the dates for the surgical parts of the IVF but... Oh, the irony!

I’m due to have my eggs harvested on 21st December, which is, now wait for it....

My wedding date to ST!!!!

So, two years after I walked down the aisle with ST, I’ll be knocked out under general anaesthetic having my IVF eggs removed. Our implantation date is then 23rd December so I’ll be on complete and utter bedrest for 48 hours after that so Happy Christmas to me!

We were due to go to my Aunt and Uncle’s house on Christmas Eve for the usual Estonian Christmas chaos and then to Tom’s mum’s on Christmas Day with his family. Apparently jiggly car journeys are not good after the implantation, neither is getting over excited or straining too much so our plans for attending two brill parties and driving for miles everywhere now seem a little scuppered.

I’ve no doubt that some nasty people will see this as me moaning about not being able to have a Christmas party and how I’ve got my priorities all wrong but it’s actually me not wanting to link IVF and Christmas. I mean, if it doesn’t work (which with a predicted success rate of only 27% is highly likely) then I don’t want next year’s Christmas to be a reminder of the fact that our chance at a baby failed.

I really wanted to enjoy Christmas with my family to take my mind off all the nasty part of the IVF and now it seems I’m going to be groggy from surgery and totally unable to take part in any of the festivities in case it damages our chances, whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that it probably won’t work anyway.

Gosh, I sound like a little ray of twinkly Christmas cheer don’t I!!!

I start the next round of drugs today which means that I’ll now be self injecting morning and night and not just morning. I have bought some stretchy clothing for the swollen abdomen the hospital told me to expect and have braced myself for the uncomfortable physical symptoms of the next bit. From everything I’ve been told and read, it seems that this is the part which is actually physically painful and also makes you a complete teary crying wreck. Can’t wait!
So, just came on here for a little bit of a moan as I do feel incredibly sorry for myself. My hair’s dropping out, I have had raging full blown flu, a constant headache from the IVF drugs and complete and utter exhaustion with more yet to come.

However, to try and spread some Christmas cheer, I helped the school to make a big donation to Action Aid for Christmas. The children at school always buy us gifts at Christmas and we always buy gifts for secret santa. This year, I’ve helped to organise donations to Action Aid for schoolchildren in poverty in Africa so that our school Christmas really is about giving rather than receiving. It’s lovely to receive gifts from the children and staff at Christmas but there are so many people out there who need help that it only seemed right to focus on helping and giving rather than receiving.

Also have been a complete anal sock ironer and all my Christmas shopping is done, wrapped, addressed and sorted already. Somebody slap me!

So, will keep you all posted and sorry if this sounds a little flat but I’m really struggling at the moment. Just hoping that the next set of drugs aren’t too harsh. Gosh, the 21st seems such a long way away. Have got scans every other day to check on the progress of my eggs and to check I’m not developing OHSS which is apparently fatal (told you I was a cheery little chicken today!)
Will try and update a little more frequently but my internet’s down at home at the moment so can only update at work or mum’s.

Lots of love in the meantime though,


A very tired, snotty little pincushion of a girl.


  1. It will get better. The next part will cause your eggs to grow (hence the bloat) but also your estrogen will go up, which gives you energy. Interesting that you have a 2 day transfer...I've had 3 and 5 day transfer, but they may be doing something different for you. Good luck from Jannelle from YAYW!

  2. Oh dear! You do sound really down in the dumps! I know it is easier said than done when you feel like crap but remember why you started the IVF and the potential joy it will bring to your life. As for the date - well so what??!?! ST is no longer part of your life and should not be a spectre at the feast - as it were!

    I know from following your journey that you will bounce back - you have overcome higher hurdles!!!

    Hope you feel better soon - sending you a virtual hug! x